Sunday, December 21, 2008

I Don't Understand

Some people are slow learners, I must be one of them. For years now I have been repeatedly learning the truths found in Isaiah fifty five verses eight and nine.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."

I'm convinced that God is good and he loves me - no question, but I must confess... I don't understand his thoughts or his ways.

Two months ago Nadine and I took another leap of faith, we left behind all that was safe and familiar and comfortable to begin another great adventure - working for John Paul Jackson overseeing the Association of Bridge Churches. Very exciting, what an honor.

Then cancer once again reared it's ugly head.

A regularly scheduled annual check up revealed a mass, Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma was back. Forty percent larger than the first time I was diagnosed back in February 2005. The treatment plan is the same; six rounds of chemotherapy (CVP/R), once every three weeks starting December 29th. If all goes well I should start feeling like myself again sometime in May '09.

I can only guess that for some reason, God in his infinite wisdom must have wanted me to receive treatment in Dallas, TX instead of Kennewick, WA. So many unusual things happened to help expedite the sale of our home getting us here sooner than expected. Any small bit of procedural red tape could have easily delayed our transition - but it didn't. Instead the sun, the moon and the stars seemed to align just right to get us here more quickly. So, here we are in a new place, with new doctors and new people facing an old battle.

I don't understand.

I don't have to understand to trust. I trust because He is good. I trust because He loves me. Maybe someday I will understand but today is not that day.

(C) Tom Zawacki 2008


  1. I don't know much, but I do know this:

    You are safe.

    In the arms of the only one whose wings are big enough to cover you through this trial.

    You are loved.

    By everyone in your life who isn't afraid of a little challenge. By those of us for whom a few thousand miles mean inconvenience but not true separation.

    We need to see with our spiritual eyes - not the circumstances of this life, but behind the veil. All of the perceived trials are a ruse. A vain attempt by the enemy of your soul to reverse your pyramid.

    Eyes up. Ears open. Heart clean.

    You can do this. We are with you.


  2. Welcome back, Tom. It's good to hear your voice again. Keep writing...

  3. Ditto LL and Daddio!

    I guess as soldiers we don't always understand why we march into battle, or even what the battle is about. But you are a mighty warrior and you will march, fight and be Him.

    Prayers are going up!!!!

  4. Anonymous6:40 PM

    cool blog

  5. Anonymous1:43 AM

    I love very broad, I like some of the ancient culture, like modern architecture, and now I am fat, I like your BLOG!