Sunday, July 22, 2007

His Needs

My last post covered the five basic needs of a woman based on Dr. Willard Harley popular book “His Needs, Her Needs”. Today we’ll look at the five basic needs of a man.

His Needs

1. Sexual Fulfillment

Now, let's look at the five needs husbands have. The first is sexual fulfillment. The typical wife doesn't understand her husband's deep need for sex anymore than the typical husband understands his wife's deep need for affection. But these two ingredients can work very closely together in a happy, fulfilled marriage. Sex can come naturally and often, if there is enough affection.

2. Recreational Companionship

The second need for a man is recreational companionship. He needs her to be his playmate. It is not uncommon for women, when they are single, to join men in pursuing their interests. They find themselves hunting, fishing, playing football, and watching sports and movies they would never have chosen on their own.
After marriage wives often try to interest their husbands in activities more to their own liking. If their attempts fail, they may encourage their husbands to continue their recreational activities without them. But this option is very dangerous to a marriage, because men place surprising importance on having their wives as recreational companions. Among the five basic male needs, spending recreational time with his wife is second only to sex for the typical husband.

3. An Attractive Spouse

A husband's third need is an attractive spouse. A man needs a wife who looks good to him. Dr. Harley states that in sexual relationships most men find it nearly impossible to appreciate a woman for her inner qualities alone--there must be more. A man's need for physical attractiveness in a mate is profound.

4. Domestic Support

The fourth need for a man is domestic support. He needs peace and quiet. So deep is a husband's need for domestic support from his wife that he often fantasizes about how she will greet him lovingly and pleasantly at the door, about well-behaved children who likewise act glad to see him and welcome him to the comfort of a well-maintained home.
The fantasy continues as his wife urges him to sit down and relax before taking part in a tasty dinner. Later the family goes out for an evening stroll, and he returns to put the children to bed with no hassle or fuss. Then he and his wife relax, talk together, and perhaps watch a little television until they retire at a reasonable hour to love each other. Wives may chuckle at this scenario, but this vision is quite common in the fantasy lives of many men. The male need for his wife to "take care of things"--especially him--is widespread, persistent, and deep.

5. Admiration

The fifth need is admiration. He needs her to be proud of him. Wives need to learn how to express the admiration they already feel for their husbands instead of pressuring them to greater achievements. Honest admiration is a great motivator for men. When a woman tells a man she thinks he's wonderful, that inspires him to achieve more. He sees himself capable of handling new responsibilities and perfecting skills far above those of his present level.

If any of a spouse's five basic needs go unmet, that person becomes vulnerable to the temptation of an affair. Therefore, the best way to prevent adultery is to meet the needs of your spouse and make your marriage strong.


  1. I'm a blessed wife. You are a good man and I love you.

  2. Hi, I am stopping over from Nadine's...I haven't yet read this book, but the five basic needs of men and women (in the post below) completely makes sense...very sound advice.
    Another book\seminar that has been so helpful to my husband and I is Love and Respect. It talks about the basic differing needs of husband and wife, also...and of our different "languages". So simplistic but profound- it's been great!

    I like the Biblical truths and wisdom you present here! Blessings!

  3. Tom I just peeked at your cluster map, you had 87 hits in one day! And I thought Nadine was popular, she had 40 something. Amazing, I feel so blessed to have you as my Pastor! The rest of the world just gets to read your posts :>)

  4. We are both nearly done with the book since your recommendation, and we love it. Great stuff to refocus on, and be intentional about.

    Thanks for leading the way.