Awoke at 3:00 AM, can't seem to sleep.
Watched the season premier of House tonight. The main character is a brilliant but very broken physician. This episode opens up with our extremely gifted yet horribly flawed hero in a state mental institution... as a patient. The next two hours portrayed his journey to emotional honesty. The writers and actors did their jobs very well.
It made me think.
I'm broken too. I cover up my my brokenness effectively but that doesn't mean I'm whole, I'm not. I'm still broken. I've learned how to ignore my pain and how to coexist with my pain and even how to function at very high levels in spite of my pain. But none of these things, not one, has healed or removed my pain.
I could go on like this, broken yet functional, for a very long time and most would never know. Our culture is ill-equipped to deal with flawed leaders, the church even less then society. I have learned how to see the good in every circumstance and situation. When life has given me lemons I've used them to make very tasty sermon illustrations. I'm more entertaining but I'm still broken. Others are refreshed, heck, some are even inspired - but me, if I'm truly honest I have to admit, my pain still remains.
"Com' on Tom, count your blessings..." I do have many, much more than I deserve.
"Look at the lives you have touched..." Wow, more than I could ever have imagined, I'm humbled, eternally grateful - the lemonade has gone a long way, a very long way.
But about that pain...
Papa, two bouts of cancer have broken me in ways I can't begin to express. The physical toll, as expensive as it has been, is easily eclipsed by the emotional and spiritual. Please take all my fractured pieces. Some have been hidden away for a very long time. Others I have have kept well polished and as presentable as possible. I have no idea how to repair them, some don't seem to fit together any longer. I'm pretty sure that many just need to be replaced.
Papa, I offer you my heart, please be gentle, it's been through a lot and it's been broken for a very long time, thanks. Well, it's almost 4:30, I'm going back to bed and see if I can get a little more sleep, goodnight.
He hears our prayers.ReplyDelete
I am greatly moved but have no words except "I care" and "You speak to many of us although our brokenness is at different levels."
Love you Tom.ReplyDelete
I woke this morning at 3 am and could not sleep. I also watched HOUSE and it provoked me to search my response to my life challenges. A broken marriage, a lack of connection to those I love. I long to be completely whole, confident, strong. I will pray for you if you will pray for me. GOD hears our heart cry. I am trusting HIM.ReplyDelete
Tom, poignant and perplexing. Poignant because your insights cut me like a knife - the truth and simplicity they represent is powerful. Perplexing because answers should be so much closer to home. The whys and the hows and the whens just don't seem to walk on the same path most of the time. Thank you for the honesty you bring to those you touch. I am better for having come to know you just a little. Much love to you bro. You have my prayers as i know I have yours. KenReplyDelete
Miss you...you undo our hearts with your honest life. Forever blessed that our paths did cross.ReplyDelete
Prayers going up...