Thursday, July 19, 2007

Man vs. Boy

Here are a few insights I shared with my people last week.

Man vs. Boy

There is a difference between men and boys. The difference is easily discerned by recognizing the directional flow of life & strength. Boys derive strength & life from the woman while men give life and strength.

From the womb and at the breast a boy derives life and strength from his mother. A man on the other hand, literally inserts life and strength into his wife creating life.

Boys take selfishly.
Men give selflessly.

Weakness & Strength

I’ve never seen a healthy marriage where the woman is spiritually and emotionally stronger than the man. I’m not saying it isn’t possible, but in my 47 years I’ve never seen it.

Here are two unhealthy and dysfunctional ways that men interact with women. First, they use their weakness to manipulate the woman drawing upon her compassion and her maternal instincts for his selfish gain. Second, they control and dominate the woman treating her like a child. This is actually a poor attempt at masking their fears and insecurities, it’s really weakness disguised as strength.

A truly healthy relationship is made up of equal partners who love, trust and respects one another. This is what’s known as being equally yoked.


Question: How does a weak man put strength into a strong woman?
Answer: He can’t. He must become stronger.

Question: How does a man become stronger?
1. He cultivates a passionate relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ.
~ He spends time in God’s presence.
~ He’s a worshipper.
~ He prays for his loved ones, for his friends, for his enemies.
~ He knows the word of God – he reads it, meditates on it and studies it.
~ He’s generous with his time, energy and money.
~ He’s humble.
~ He has a servant’s heart.
~ He’s sensitive to the leading and moving of the Holy Spirit.

2. He takes responsibility for his life
~ He tenaciously pursues healing of his hurts and wounds
~ Especially the wounds created by his father.

3. He refuses to allow his past to dictate his future.
~ He learns from both the good and bad experiences of his life
~ He learns how to be a Godly man, husband and father from both the positive and negative role models in his life.

Sex and Romance

A woman will give sex to receive romance/love
A man will give romance/love to get sex.

Men, this is evil, don’t do it!

Manipulation - Men
Because she has a strong maternal instinct and a compassionate heart, a woman may be attracted to a broken and wounded man. However, if he remains broken and wounded, she will lose respect for him and grow to despise him. A man may “play” a woman by faking weakness, thus pulling on her maternal instincts to get his way.

Men, this too is evil, don’t do it!

Manipulation - Women
A man may love the experience of being a white knight in shinning armor who rescues a damsel in distress. However, if he has to rescue her, and rescue her, and rescue her, and rescue her – the relationship gets old and wearisome and the man loses respect for the woman. Rescuing is wonderful but it should not become the on going model and standard of your relationship.

When considering a mate give thought to the verbiage of the traditional wedding vows:
In the Name of God, I, ____ take you, ____., to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death. This is my solemn vow.

All relationships are easy in the better, richer and healthier times. The true test of a relationship comes in the worse, poor and unhealthy times!

In Ephesians 5 Paul challenges husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church, I ask you this question, how did Christ love the church?

He laid down his life for her.

It wasn’t all about Him.

Men, it’s not all about you.

I challenge every man who reads this post – love your wife as Christ has loved you! Lay down your life for her. That’s our standard, she's worth it, let’s do it.!

© Tom Zawacki 2007

**Note** The article was heavily influenced by the writing of John Eldredge, especially "Wild at Heart"


  1. Great post...I love how you practice what you preach. Thank you for loving me and showing me how much I'm worth it.

  2. Anonymous6:09 PM

    You are amazing! Good stuff Tom, Blessings and love :)

  3. Anonymous2:43 PM

    Can a man really love me like this?

  4. Tom,

    These are powerful concepts. In tough times, how can a "man" positively express his vulnerability while keeping his self respect and continue to earn the respect of his woman? (and)How would this be different from being a "boy."

  5. Anonymous11:15 PM

    Thanks for posting this kind of message Sir.. Hope it gets to the heart of those "boys" who will read this, because though I'm a girl, I'd appreciate the difference of how a boy and a man loves a woman. Thanks so much! God bless~

  6. Very good read. I love to be loved the way Christ loved the church, it's the most excellent way!

  7. Donna2:54 PM

    Tom, this brought tears to my eyes.
    It's so true and also hopeful. Thanks for expressing the love of the Bridegroom for His Bride and giving instruction on how to love
    each other, not only in words but by your life. Love never fails. <3
    PS I saw the link for your blog on Julie's page and checked it out. So glad I did. =)